Secrets and Mysteries

This morning,
as you were facing me, 
I was reminded of
when you were facing me
long ago.

As in the time,
you recently recalled,
how your husband,
who wasn't your husband at the time,
answered your question
not in the affirmative.

Looking back,
I know that he would have said, 
"I cannot process this."
I know you have heard
him say that before.

Looking back,
I know that he would have said,
"I love you."
I know you have heard
him say that,
and much more,
before.

You once told me
that you could only give
me memories.
You were right
but you have given me
much more than that,
which I cherish beyond measure.

But I am sad
to say
that all my memories
aren't good ones 
and that
my jealousy
still poisons me
from time to time.

It's not fair
to me or to you 
but it is true.

You recently told me that
you have no more secrets 
and I am genuinely happy for you
and your joy in sharing this.

But,
for me,
I couldn't feel much different 
as my secrets
seem to be around
every twist
and turn.

They are so secret
that I don't 
even know
that they are there!

And as much as I was
when you were facing me
back then, 
I am confounded by
the mystery
that you are to me
and the mystery
that I don't see
in me.